miscarriage number 4

My pregnancy was short lived. On Wednesday I started miscarrying my 4th baby. I knew it was coming because my betas weren't doubling but I was still trying to be hopeful. I just don't understand why my body kills babies. WHY does this have to happen to me (or to anyone). I just dont understand why this has to happen. I wish I had answers. On 11/16 I am going to the doctor for my miscarriage follow up and I am going to ask for every test under the sun. I just need to know why I am killing babies. I thought that having the 2 surgeries to reconstruct my uterus was supposed to make me be able to have a successful pregnancy but I have had 2 miscarriages since then. I am just so lost.

To make matters worse tuesday is the day my first 2 babies were due. I was really hoping to be pregnant and stay pregnant by the time the babies were born. I am just so upset and wish i could just magically have a baby of my own.

Even though this whole thing has sucked I have to say I have amazing friends. I cant believe the support I have had from everyone. I am so thankful to have so many wonderful people in my life

Homemade hummus

This baby really likes hummus. Who would have thought. I have NEVER liked hummus before but here I am craving it at 4 am, 6, am 12 noon. So this morning I got up early to go get my pregnancy blood work and on my way home I stopped at the grocery store and bought some chick peas. So here is what I did:

1 can chick peas
3-4 tbsp roasted garlic
1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tbsp lemon juice
dash of italian seasoning (just because the thought of more makes me feel nauseated)


So what I did is take my massive jar of minced garlic and took 2 HEAPING spoonfuls (the the big spoon) and put it in a frying pan with 1/2 of the olive oil. I fried it up to make it "roasted". Then i just everything in the ninja and mixed it up. so good!!

making a baby blanket

I may be crazy. I am crocheting a baby blanket. The only things I have successfully crocheted to date are a couple of head bands (the scarf was a big fail). But I decided to take on the baby blanket. Unfortunately I like instant gratification and this baby blanket is going to take forever but I cant wait to see the finished product. I told myself I need to crochet 2-4 lines a day (which takes about 30-40 minutes). If I do this it MAY be done by the time the baby arrives lol. I hope it turns out ok. it may be an unidentifiable shape but it will keep my baby warm :)

I'm pregnant!

So for the last 2 weeks I have been in Florida visiting my family and going to my friend's wedding. Well for a couple of days I wasnt able to sleep and last wednesday  woke up at 3:30 am and felt the need to take a pregnancy test. Well it was POSITIVE!! I am pregnant. Thursday I came home back to CT and got blood work and my HCG was 65, Saturday I got a repeat and it was 98 which really isnt great. It is supposed to double every 48-72 hours with a minimum of 66% by 48 hours. Well it wasnt quite 66%. I went back for repeat blood work today and hoping it doubled. I really hope this baby lasts. I have had 3 miscarriages, first one was when I was pregnant with 2 babies and i lost one before the other, second time was the second baby in the first pregnancy that I lost at 10 weeks, the third one was in August. I am just praying constantly that this baby survives. I dont know if I can go through another miscarriage.

Last night I asked my husband if there is ever a point where we should stop trying. Like if I have 7 miscarriages or something. He said no. Honestly I think if I hit 5 in a row I might be done. I don't think I am go through much more than that. There are so many babies out there that need love. I guess we will just see what happens with this baby. I really want it to survive but I am going to plan for the worst. That sounds so morbid but I think it will be easier to accept it if it happens. I am obviously hoping for the best though. Please pray that this baby survives